Missing
by Aislin of the Shadows
Summary: One-shot songfic using Evanescence's "Missing." It's told from Erik's POV during the last scene, when Christine leaves him alone in his cellar...


Disclaimer: I believe you all know that I don't own Phantom of the Opera, or any of Evanescence's songs.

The idea for this fic came to me while listening to my Evanescence _Anywhere But Home_ CD. The song really seemed to fit with the final scene of Phantom. It's told from Erik's POV, and is based mainly on the musical. I'm sorry if Erik's thoughts sometimes get a bit repetitive.

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

She kissed me. I can't believe Christine kissed me. The angel's flower dared to touch this pair of lips of a monster from hell.

She chose me. Christine…with her, I could lead such a happy life…

But no. She does not truly love me. How could she? No. Her happiness matters more than mine. Despite all I've done to her and those she loves, I hope she can forgive me. All I ever wanted was the love of another…the love of a woman…a woman like Christine. But if it comes at her expense…I cannot torture her for every day of our life together. Our 'life' would be an illusion. I…I have to let her go.

_Please, please forgive me,  
__But I won't be home again_

Oh Christine, why? I could have given you all you wanted, you would have been the happiest of women. Am I that unbearable? Is it so difficult to look at me, to talk to me, to be with me? I loved you, but all I gave you was pain…my love was a knife in your heart. For you, I will pull that knife out. It belongs in my own heart.

_Maybe someday you'll have woke up,  
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one,  
"Isn't something missing?"_

Go, Christine, take your lover and leave me here. Forget your Angel of Music, you no longer need me. I, however, will never let your memory fade. The image of you is forever burned into my eyes, and I will never allow it to wear away, even in death. To me, you will always be as you are now. You will live on in my memory for whatever time I have left to me.

_You won't cry for my absence, I know –_  
_You forgot me long ago.  
__Am I that unimportant…?  
__Am I so insignificant…?_

How long will I last after I've lost you? How long will you remember me?

_Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?_

Go now. Take the boat, I will no longer have any use for it. They will come, and they must not find you two here with me. Don't stay, Christine, my love, leave me, and be happy. We could never be happy together – the happiness of one is bought at the other's expense. Let the bliss be yours, and let it be me that gave it back to you.

_Even though I'd be sacrificed,  
__You won't try for me, not now.  
__Though I'd die to know you love me,  
__I'm all alone.  
__Isn't someone missing me?_

I drove you to the brink of suicide, Christine. That is all my affection did for you – you would rather shatter your poor body in death than live with such a curse upon earth as me. How could I ever live with your death on my conscience? I would never even wish to cause you the slightest pain – I would try to steal it all away. Let me steal your pain. Because of me, you've been to hell and beyond, and I will let you return to the world above. But I, I will never escape.

_Please, please forgive me,  
__But I won't be home again.  
__I know what you do to yourself,  
__I breathe deep and cry out:_

You alone can make my song take flight, Christine, and now the song is over.

_"Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?"_

I see you now, but no more, disappearing into the mists of my damned prison of a lake. My lonely existence is drawing to an end, with you gone. You have forgotten me, haven't you? I never mattered. I was just a monster, killing for control and crying for love. I want my life to end, and it will. There is no possible way I could go on even if I wanted to.

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed,  
__Knowing you don't care._

Soon, no pleasure will be allowed me, and I will sink into the flame. I know it well, and I've been ready for it throughout the shred of a life that was thrown to me. But perhaps, when I descend into hell, I can keep a shadow of you in my mind, a glorious mirage before my eyes, relieving and intensifying my torture. That image of your pained, beautiful face, so close in my mind and yet as far away as anything can be, tantalizing me in a dream that is both ecstasy and torment.

_And if I sleep just to dream of you,  
I'll wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't something…_

I hear them coming now…They will hasten my end…Let them come with the speed of the gods…I welcome them, and my death with them. Christine is long gone…no…she returns…Has she truly…?

Christine, I love you, I love you, you know I always have… Of course…she does not wish to stay…her lover awaits…

You must wear this ring, please, keep it. Return and bury me with it when I am dead and gone, for you will not have long to wait. It is not much for me to ask. I never did ask much of you. Promise me you will, promise me.

_Even though I'd be sacrificed,  
__You won't try for me, not now.  
__Though I'd die to know you love me,  
__I'm all alone._

You are truly gone now, I know. I shall never see you again. And I shall depart as well.

What agony…what peace…

I see light. A golden light as I never saw in the dim rays of the candles in my cellar. And glorious beings smiling at me…at me… They greet me… I can stand once again with the strength I once had, and I can walk, drift toward them. Such visions…This cannot be hell…Am I truly deserving? Should such a creature as me come to such a place, its gates wide open, angels singing their welcome on wings of silver?

I am free… Heaven accepts me…and yet, I am not happy, I am not complete. Not while she yet walks the earth in the company of him…she was my Angel…and I was and will remain hers.

_Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?_


End file.
